Lily,

What is going on with you? All day long for months, you go back and forth between slamming doors in my face and screaming you want to be alone, then coming out like everything is fine. I asked you today on the way to get milk if I do the right thing when I leave you alone (to cool down and comfort yourself) and you said yes.

You are so hot and cold. Today, you watched videos almost all day, then want to play with me when Daddy comes home and I need to work. You made a mess with packing peanuts and he got so mad, he left the house. You asked if he would ever come back. I said he just left to cool down. Things are good between you now. He wanted to leave for longer, so you wouldn’t see him until tomorrow. I said that was a bad strategy, because the less available you are, the more people learn to live without you.

You just told Daddy you want him to be your father. Asked me if I want to be your mother. I said I definitely do.

You don’t want books tonight, you just want to cuddle.

Here’s what you want me to write: I still do worm wash in my mouth. (You do.) Isn’t that unusual? Well, today I have something else interesting to show you. I got a Cleo doll yesterday (from Daddy, who felt guilty about something). I pretended to be Moana.

You refuse to wipe your nose (almost all the time) and wipe it on your arm, eat buggers, and constantly sniffle. We’ve all been sick. Sore throats and stuffy noses.

You’re singing now. I have work I need to get done.

You say: I made an obstacle course just now.

I’m going back to work. You want to make an obstacle course now. I’m frustrated. You say in a sad voice that you want to just look at the (tiny) pig and horse (statues).

I feel lost about work. You never let me work. You make Daddy mad on purpose so that he leaves and I can’t work. Then I’m stressed, because I worry I won’t get my work done or that it will be poorly done due to lack of sleep. I don’t want to work late at night.

You and Daddy are having a nice time now playing together. Boy, parenting sure is tough.

Love you still, anyways, as difficult as you can be.
Mama

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